Flying Under the Radar?

Grant and I are currently taking a class at church to become Small Group Leaders. The class has been great so far. Last Tuesday night the focus was on prayer and leading a time of ministry in a small group. The group taking the class spent some time in ministry. We sang two songs and then spent some quiet time just listening for God. To be perfectly honest, I wasn't in the "moment." I was tired and just not really feeling it. I even prayed "God--just let me fly under the radar. I'll be here and be happy to pray for someone else, but let me just fly under the radar." Yep--that was me. When the group leader asked if anyone heard anything a few people shared. Then Dustin, a good friend, looked at me and said something to the effect of:

"Sarah, you were on my mind the whole way through the singing. I kept thinking it was just me doing it, but it just kept coming back. And--it's going to be ok."

Way to fly under the radar, huh? I became the only person called out by name. I guess God wanted my attention. Well, He had it. I immediately began to cry. We finished sharing and broke up into groups to pray. The women in the group gathered around me. They all actually knew most of what was going on with Noah. I told them that I was actually doing okay with Noah's heart issues. I was trusting God and in a pretty good place. I felt that God speaking through Dustin was almost a confirmation that God was still with us and that "it's going to be ok." I also shared that my heart had changed, but that I didn't really know much about it, as my focus has been Noah. The ladies felt that they could pray for MY heart. Huh. Didn't see that one coming. See, I don't like to ask for prayer for my heart. Call it pride, call it shame, call it fear...I don't fully know what it is. I think at the root of it, I don't mind my heart condition. Truly. It can be a pain in the rear at times, for sure, but ultimately, every time something happens with my heart God is glorified. So is it even RIGHT to ask for healing?? And, if I even were to be healed, what would change? I would still have a defibrillator as a safety measure. I already live a relatively "normal" life. I don't know what it is, but it's an issue I have had and I'm working on it. Apparently, God wanted to speed up the process.

My good friend, Jo, placed her hand on my heart and they began to pray for me. I felt tingly all over my body and a few shooting pains in my heart. They finished praying and I shared what I had felt. The group leader, Laurie, took over at that point and began to pray again. I had more of the shooting pains in my heart. Then my entire body started to burn up. I got very, very hot. To the point that I began to sweat. Everywhere. When Laurie finished praying, she shared that she was very hot and sweaty as well. Meanwhile, the other ladies were cold. (I actually had a sweater on at the time--yes, in August, because the room was so cold.) Jo shared with me that my chest, under her hand, was really hot the whole time during the prayer.

So...what does that all mean??? I know for sure that it means God was present in that room, at that time, in my body. I know for sure that God wanted me to feel His presence and power. I don't know if He healed my heart. I don't really care if He healed my heart. Because healed or not, He'll be there every step of the way. Taking me out of my comfort zone. Letting me know in no uncertain terms when it's not my turn to fly under the radar.