A New Adventure

Tomorrow Grant and I take the first big step of a new adventure...Becoming foster parents! We have decided to leave the private adoption field (for a variety of reasons) and pursue the foster to adopt program offered through Hamilton County. We decided to do it about two weeks ago. As I've posted before, our private adoption agency wasn't meeting our needs any longer. Couple that fact with some discussions with friends and family members, getting covered in prayer by our small group and other friends and family, and we feel that God has led us to this place. And it feels good. It feels right. And scary. Unknown. Risky. And a whole host of other things. But first and foremost, it feels right. It feels good to feel as if you're right smack dab in the center of the path God wants you to be walking.

James 1:27 says "Religion that God our father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

Who are the orphans in America in 2012? Who are the widows? Who are the people on the margins of society that can most benefit from the church stepping up and fulfilling their duty? I believe it is the foster child and the single mother. (My sister-in-law Kristin, in all her wisdom, first shared this with me.) We decided to adopt because of James 1:27. We want to be obedient to God's call to care for the orphan. Private adoption started to not feel right. Was this tiny little baby we were going to receive REALLY an orphan? Sure. Maybe in the most basic form of the word. But if we chose to pass on that baby, 20 other couples from our agency would have gladly snatched her up and raised her lovingly. Were we really needed to serve in that way? I don't think so. Could we have served? Absolutely. Could we have loved that birthmother with the love of Christ? The birthfamily? That baby girl? Sure. Is that the greatest need? I don't think so. I think God has SO much more.

As an aside--I don't say any of this in a judging manner. Two weeks ago I was wholeheartedly a member of the private adoption field. God opened my eyes to a need, and revamped the call that Grant and I feel towards adoption to mean something different than we originally thought. And, that's how God works. I think He reveals one step of his plan at a time. This is our next step. I think if God had told us a year ago to foster to adopt we would have laughed and said No way! We're ready for this step now.

The private adoption field started to sit wrong with me for another, yet related reason. Here were twenty-some couples waiting desperately to adopt a baby. Wanting desperately to have a child to love. And there weren't enough babies to go around. We had already been waiting for 9 months. They tell you to expect to wait over a year. And yet, all across the state, there are SO many children in foster care that truly NEED someone to love them.

The end of James 1:27 has never really stuck out to me. I get stuck on the orphan and widow part. But "keep yourself from being polluted by the world" is right there with it. The world would tell us not to foster. The world would tell us it's too hard. Guard your hearts. Guard Alex and Noah's young little hearts. Don't take such an emotional risk. These kids have been hurt! They could hurt you! You never know what you're going to get! Go the safe way. Adopt a baby who has a clean slate. And on and on and on. It's going to be hard to tune those thoughts out. Hopefully God, and the godly people we surround ourselves with, will shout louder than the world: It Is GOOD to love. Love is always a risk. The greater the risk, the greater the reward. You're doing the right thing. God will bring the right child to your family. This will be the best thing for your family. Not the easiest thing for your family, but the thing that will bring you closer to God and closer to who He wants you to be. And on and on and on.

We start our training process tomorrow. We have to take 36 hours of training. It's 6 Saturdays in a row from 9-4 (with an hour for lunch). It's going to be long and intense. But--Grant and I also get to spend time together! And have a lunch date every Saturday. :) We also have to re-do our entire home study. Nothing can transfer from our first home study. We have to do ALL the paperwork, fingerprinting, interviewing, home inspections, etc. again. Ugh. Not looking forward to that part, but at least we know what to expect and where to go for everything now!

I'm looking forward to tomorrow and to getting this adventure off to a good start!

Adoption..Not for the Faint of Heart

Whoa, buddy. Isn't that true. I have always heard that adoption isn't easy. The wait is hard. It isn't for the faint of heart. And I'd nod and smile. Well....lately, I've been learning just how true that all is. Our adoption process hasn't been that difficult thus far. But in the past month or so, we've hit a few roadblocks. And it's feeling a lot harder. We've now hit the 9 month mark of waiting. And, for some reason, that feels significant to me. Maybe because that's the amount of time it takes to create a baby. Maybe because that's the amount of time I had to wait to meet each of my boys. Maybe because I had an idea in my mind that it would take roughly the same amount of time to get our daughter as it did for our sons to be born. I don't know. But it feels significant.

I'm not going to go into the roadblocks we've encountered. It's not worth it. We're working around some things, changing the way we're doing some things, etc. But it's hard. Adoption is hard. We're learning that it truly is a business. And that stinks. It stinks to truly realize you're in competition with other waiting families. It stinks to want a child so badly and realize everyone you're "competing" with ALSO wants a child so badly. How can you be mad when a birthmother doesn't pick you because she chose a couple who lost three children in late term pregnancy in three years?? How do you rectify feeling happy that that adoptive mother that was chosen will finally get to love and raise a daughter when my arms are still aching to hold MY daughter? You don't, I guess. You give it over to God and you trust that THAT was HER daughter and not YOUR daughter.

We're learning that while we do need to sit back and watch God work at times, other times you need to get off of your rear and be assertive and be your own advocate. And that's hard.

I feel that the waiting is supposed to be hard. I've been feeling that God has something to teach me in the waiting. I feel that He's asking me to press in and lean on Him when it's hard. I feel Him telling me to SHARE the hard. Be honest about the hard. Don't hide the hard behind a "It'll happen in God's timing." Which is a very true statement, but also a little bit of a cop-out answer that I tend to give when others ask me about the waiting. It's hard to know you're doing the right thing. Using the right agency. Setting the right parameters. Emailing the agency the correct amount of times so as to stay at the forefront of their minds but yet not annoy them endlessly. I feel God pushing me to transparency. So that's what this post is. A little bit of transparency. A peek into my current thoughts about this crazy process.

Do I know God has this under control? Yes. Do I know that I'll look back at the entire process and see His hand in it every. step. of. the. way.? Yes. Is it still hard in the moment to wait? Yes.

Lifestyle Changes

Over the past several years we've slowly made moves to remove chemicals from our home. It first started when Alex was a baby and learning how to crawl. It really weirded me out to mop the floor with this harsh chemical and then watch my baby crawl all over it, put his hands in his mouth, etc. So we started to switch to natural cleaners. We've cleaned with a vinegar/water solution for the past 3 years. For awhile, we would use other commercial cleaners as well for somethings, but now we exclusively use that. I used to really notice the smell of vinegar, but I don't even pay attention to it anymore. And, funnily enough, I tend to react really strongly to the smell of cleaners when I visit other people's homes. It smells SO strong and SO chemically to me.

More recently, thanks to Pinterest, I've also started making my own laundry and dishwasher detergent. I love it! It is so cheap! It actually works really well and there's no crazy chemicals on our bodies or on our dishes. (The dishwasher detergent has borax, washing soda, epsom salt and no sugar lemonade in it. The next time I'll make it without the lemonade...The laundry detergent has the washing soda, borax and bars of Ivory soap grated up.) I was able to get all of the supplies at Kroger. The best part is, since we have a high efficiency washer, we only have to use a Tablespoon of detergent in each load. We made our first batch about 3 months ago. It cost around $12 to make, and we're only about halfway through with the batch, AND we still have some of the supplies left over for another batch. We also only use a Tablespoon of dishwasher detergent. We are also using vinegar as a rinse aid.

I also recently found out that dryer sheets are one of the most toxic things in your home. I decided those had to go. I made some felted yarn balls and foil balls to use in our dryer instead. Both of those soften clothes, lessen drying time and reduce static.

I have to say, I never thought I would be a natural, hippie, crunchy mama. But I'm slowly turning into one, and I have to say, I love it! I love that my boys aren't exposed to a ton of chemicals. I love that I don't have to buy a different bottle of cleaning solution for every surface in my house. I love that my clothes smell like clothes and don't smell like fake flowers. I love that I breathe easily and my asthma isn't even an issue anymore.

There are still chemicals in our home, and I'm on the hunt for which ones are going to go next. Might it be the commercial, chemical-filled shampoo? The dish soap? Time will tell.

(And God bless Grant who indulges me in this venture, helps me with the recipes for the soaps and is a huge support! I know he sometimes thinks I'm crazy, but I really do think he likes this chemical-free life we're trying to lead!)