Adoption..Not for the Faint of Heart

Whoa, buddy. Isn't that true. I have always heard that adoption isn't easy. The wait is hard. It isn't for the faint of heart. And I'd nod and smile. Well....lately, I've been learning just how true that all is. Our adoption process hasn't been that difficult thus far. But in the past month or so, we've hit a few roadblocks. And it's feeling a lot harder. We've now hit the 9 month mark of waiting. And, for some reason, that feels significant to me. Maybe because that's the amount of time it takes to create a baby. Maybe because that's the amount of time I had to wait to meet each of my boys. Maybe because I had an idea in my mind that it would take roughly the same amount of time to get our daughter as it did for our sons to be born. I don't know. But it feels significant.

I'm not going to go into the roadblocks we've encountered. It's not worth it. We're working around some things, changing the way we're doing some things, etc. But it's hard. Adoption is hard. We're learning that it truly is a business. And that stinks. It stinks to truly realize you're in competition with other waiting families. It stinks to want a child so badly and realize everyone you're "competing" with ALSO wants a child so badly. How can you be mad when a birthmother doesn't pick you because she chose a couple who lost three children in late term pregnancy in three years?? How do you rectify feeling happy that that adoptive mother that was chosen will finally get to love and raise a daughter when my arms are still aching to hold MY daughter? You don't, I guess. You give it over to God and you trust that THAT was HER daughter and not YOUR daughter.

We're learning that while we do need to sit back and watch God work at times, other times you need to get off of your rear and be assertive and be your own advocate. And that's hard.

I feel that the waiting is supposed to be hard. I've been feeling that God has something to teach me in the waiting. I feel that He's asking me to press in and lean on Him when it's hard. I feel Him telling me to SHARE the hard. Be honest about the hard. Don't hide the hard behind a "It'll happen in God's timing." Which is a very true statement, but also a little bit of a cop-out answer that I tend to give when others ask me about the waiting. It's hard to know you're doing the right thing. Using the right agency. Setting the right parameters. Emailing the agency the correct amount of times so as to stay at the forefront of their minds but yet not annoy them endlessly. I feel God pushing me to transparency. So that's what this post is. A little bit of transparency. A peek into my current thoughts about this crazy process.

Do I know God has this under control? Yes. Do I know that I'll look back at the entire process and see His hand in it every. step. of. the. way.? Yes. Is it still hard in the moment to wait? Yes.